Sometimes the start of something new – starts with the truth…and it’s not always easy.
We sometimes wish we could just stop the CD and pretend something never happened. But life is not a musical…
He said,…. She didn’t…
A Filipina lost her virginity in high school…
Before graduating, however, she made a pledge and renewed her commitment to purity.
Now she is dating someone (they plan to marry) who’s very devout and keeps talking about how he’s so glad neither of them has ever been with someone before.
She chokes a little every time he says it.
If she tells him the truth, she is afraid he’ll break up with her. But if she doesn’t, then she is lying—and that’s not good, either.
Wow. Malalim… Pero, this is a situation that can be handled in a straightforward and compassionate way.
Remember that if the person you are with today should be the one you want to spend forever with. If that is true,…honesty starts today.
The longer she waits to tell him the truth, the harder it will be to actually do it. And the farther his heart will have to fall before it crashes into a thousand pieces.
When it comes sex…just wait….when it comes to the truth….JUST DO IT!
Think about how you’d feel if you discovered that someone you cared about was keeping something very important from you. Wouldn’t you like to know? That alone should help you find the compassion (not to mention courage) to tell him immediately.
Approach: The ideal place to break the news is news on neutral territory, in a private setting. This way, if one or both of you gets emotional, there’s a chance of retaining a shred or two of dignity. Pick a location that’s relatively quiet, but not romantic. A good choice is a quiet corner of a coffee shop that neither of you hang out at much.
Stick to the truth: Facts, Not Fiction
Reason: Don’t get caught up in explaining why or how your past experience happened. Just deliver the facts and speak from the heart.
“I made a mistake in the past, I need one thing from you, forgiveness”
Approach: Think about how you’d like to get this news if you were in his shoes. That’s the first step to making sure you’re being compassionate, but direct.
Make statements, not explanations
Reason: When we’re breaking bad news, particularly bad news that could lead to our being judged. Dont sugar-coat things—especially when discussing an intimate topic. But in this case, being direct and simple is definitely the best thing to do.
Approach: Take your truth down to the simplest terms. Say something like,
“I respect you and your values and want you to know my truth. This is hard to share, but I had sex in high school, and I regret it. I made a pledge to God to be forgiven and renewed, and I believe I have been.”
Keep it short and sweet (yun lang)
Reason: Don’t drag it out. Don’t talk too much,trying to fill uncomfortable gaps in the conversation with explanations or pleas. Just be silent if you want to give this guy time to really think about what you’ve said.
Approach: You don’t need to explain your why you did what you did—even if he asks you why. If you want to, keep it fact-based and brief. But don’t get lured into to telling him more than he needs to know. When you’ve told him, it’s time to leave him with his thoughts. Don’t press for a follow-up meeting. Simply tell him you appreciate his listening (even if he got mad), and that you hope he’ll find some way to forgive and accept you. Then get going.
Following these tips is not going to make your job any easier or less painful (for either of you). But it helps you live your values and be compassionate and respectful of someone you care about.
It’s important to approach it this way because if you have a hope of staying together, you’ve got to build the future on a foundation of honesty and respect. And if you don’t keep working on your relationship, at least you both retain your dignity, which is crucial to finding the truly right person for you.
Recognize your mistake, make it right and focus on your future decisions.