I can vividly remember the most honest conversation I had with God. I was in my early 20’s and I was crying out to Him, asking Him this question:
“Why am I still single?”
I was praying at that time but it felt like I was crying my heart out to my bestfriend over a bowl of ice cream. I said eveything I wanted to say to Him, kept no feelings unshared. Once and for all I just wanted to know WHY.
NBSB
I never had a boyfriend since birth. When I was in highschool, I never really looked forward to prom because I know I’m far from the kind of girl a boy would want to ask for a date. I never, ever considered myself attractive or pleasing to the eyes of the opposite gender. I was shy, quiet, mingled with a few. I was the type who would often get unnoticed unless I ace the test or get the highest grade for a project.
I was confident about my grades then, but never confident with my looks. And it’s not because I find myself ugly. It’s because I allowed myself to believe what others said about me.
Quite Ugly
I remember one of my classmates in elementary describing me as “quite ugly” during one of the activites for values education wherein we needed to write down a positive and a negative trait for each of our classmate. He thought that being “quite ugly” was my negative trait. I found it a bit funny, actually. So I pretended to be okay with it. I didn’t confront him nor made a big deal out of it. I didn’t know that later on, that incident would affect how I perceive myself. This perception was even supported by the fact that I did not experience what I thought was a typical highschool (and college) life. I never was asked for a date, never experienced receiving roses or notes during Valentine’s day, no suitors, no boyfriend. No weekends spent on a movie date.
Imagine that night I was crying out to God, asking him the “Whys” behind everything I find lacking in my life back then. “Why didn’t you let me experience these things?” “Why can’t I live a normal life?”
The Greatest Love of All
To tell you honestly, I didn’t know how God exactly responded to that prayer. I am not sure if I listened closely to hear His answer. But what I am certain is that, that was the last time I felt incomplete.
God must have answered my prayer by planting desires in my heart that took my life’s focus out from what I don’t have to what He has planned for me. I have a loving family, a good bunch of friends, He made me discover and nurture my gifts when I was in college until I graduated. He made me appreciate life and embrace the person that I am.
He showed me what love is all about by loving me.
And because of that love, I became strong enough to believe and to trust His Words more than the words I hear from other people. And true enough, it is His words that gave me peace and joy.
“I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” (Psalm 139:14)
Ready for Valentine’s Day?
Tomorrow we will be celebrating Valentine’s day. For couples, it’s the perfect season to be with each other. And for singles (especially those who have been single for so long), it’s the season where most likely the questions I’ve asked before would pop up. “Why, Lord?”
Only God knows the answer. But for now..
Know that God made you and He makes no mistakes. You are precious in God’s eyes.
Embrace who you are.
Focus on what you have, not on what you lack.
Trust that God has good plans for you.
Smile. Live. Love.
We pray that this year’s Valentine’s day be a meanigful one for you (whether you’re single or not) by turning only to God to find the real meaning of love. 🙂
*****
Post by Carmela Ann Santos, TLW volunteer. Mel is a lover of written words, kids, and education. She values her faith, family, and her personal time. She dreams of writing a book, doing an interview with Mike Shinoda, and building her bookstore someday. Her favorite topics are faith, love, and others. She finds happiness seeing her loved ones happy. She wants to retire as a mobile teacher and spend the remaining days of her life in Batanes. Read more about her Writing Life at http://carmelameyla.wordpress.com
