You know this scene all too well.
Your mother approaches you. She asks if you have a boyfriend. You say “None,” and a lengthy it’s-good-that-you’re-prioritizing-studies-slash-work-but-always-be-careful-when-you-finally-decide-to-date-someone sermon follows. Always. It has been like this since forever.
But today is different. Today, when you utter your customary “None,” no litany ensues. What follows instead is a short, powerful, piercing “Why?”; and your ego breaks to a million pieces because underneath that brief “why”? are many other why’s.
Why are you still single? Why can’t you be like all the other girls your age who attract guys like, you know, a normal person? Why haven’t you experienced being loved by a man? Why can’t you just have a taste of that feeling—just once? Why did God leave you in such a situation? Why, God? Why? Why? Why?
…And so, the pity party begins. Suddenly, every single flaw in your being is magnified. That pimple on your left cheek. Your hair that can’t seem to be able to exist without growing in a million different directions. Your slight difficulty in pronouncing a rolling “R.” The subject you failed three semesters ago. The rejection you felt as a child.
Why are you still single?
You answer yourself: You are undesirable. You are unworthy. Yes, that’s probably why.
The worst part is that you are a giver of love. You hand it to the first person who comes your way, and you never pick who you love. You give and you give and you give. And you love giving. But this is the point when you start to feel that you’re not receiving as much love as what you give, that maybe you’re not as worthy to be loved as those people you give love to. And this is the point when you remember that line from Perks of Being a Wallflower: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” And you doubt if you even deserve anything.
But beneath those thick sheets of doubt and hate and insecurity you have wrapped yourself with, there is a spark of truth that struggles to get through. There is a whisper, saying:
“You are Loved.”
It is the same whisper you hear every morning, when you wake up. It’s the same one you always hear, but quickly brush off because the voice of your self-doubt is much, much louder. It is there, it has always been there, clouded by all the other things that have occupied your consciousness. It says:
You are Loved.
You are loved by your Maker (Eph. 2:10). You are loved by the Son of God, who died for you 2,000 years ago. You are loved by the Father of all creation, who has called you His child (John 1:12), even though you don’t deserve to be one.
He calls you beautiful. He claims you as his own. And He tells you, “You are more precious than rubies. You are more valuable than precious stones.” You are valued way beyond what you deserve; and yet you still question your worth.
The Creator and Lord of the universe has called you His. You are valued, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are a work in progress, and yet you are complete and full in Him—filled to the measure by His goodness and perfect grace (Eph. 3:19).
Know that you are worthy.
Because even He, who holds the world in His hands, who created every single beautiful thing in the universe, even He has loved you. You are loved by Love himself, and that’s more than enough.
And in the stillness of the moment, He asks you, Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough?
And so, the tables turn, and you ask yourself the same question, “Why?” Why have you been searching for your worth in all the wrong places, when an insurmountable (and undeserved) amount of worth has already been offered to you through the Cross?
You feel His arms—the very same arms you have been running away from all this time—draw you near.
And after all the struggling is done, nothing has changed. You are still single, and you still have that “none” to answer with the next time your mother asks you about your love life. But now, the voice is clearer, and the truth sounds more certain, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.”
And just like that, everything is okay. Because no earthly love, no earthly romance can compare to that One Perfect Love that greets you every single day. You are loved. You are accepted. You are secure. You are significant. You are His; and that is all you need.
Post by Jessamine Pacis, TLW volunteer. Jessamine is a writer, soon-to-be law student, and forgiven child of God. A proud INFP, she can usually be found daydreaming or consuming copious amounts of cereal at any time of the day. She prattles about random musings and her imperfect (yet beautiful) journey with Christ at itsjesss.wordpress.com.